Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
