I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
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