I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
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