I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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