Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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