Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Just puked most of my soul out..
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