I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
