So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
