Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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