Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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