super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
