Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
