dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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