i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
