Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
a search helicopter?!
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
