She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
