at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
How naked do you want me to be?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
