a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
