chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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