his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Everyone says I win the strip club
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
