I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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