Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Never underestimate the power of titties
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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