The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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