I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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