i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
