I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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