I'm laying in your front yard are you home
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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