If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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