I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
