i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
