I hate your face
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
