but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
