trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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