He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
