My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
