if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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