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Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
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