we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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