No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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