genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He? As in you personified your dick?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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