So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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