I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
