I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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