One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Randomize
