i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
