She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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