it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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