Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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