Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
