What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize