THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
