well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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