When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Ketchup is God's man juice
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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