I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
