We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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