I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
