Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
