My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize