Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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