How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
